Do you miss the blend
Of colours she left in your black and white field
Do you feel condemned just being there?

So much has happened since the very day I last wrote an entry on here... I've barely been on a computer the last month and a half.

Sarah has now sat out 63 days in jail and has 26 more to go. I can't wait to see her. I look forward to her letters, checking the mail all the time, and she got to call me the other day... <33 but this Beth shit has to come to an end. Seriously. All I can do is wait and see...
I'm this close to forgetting Michael exists. <---> I'm not even gonna start ranting on that.

So I have my name on a lease with my friend Jerry on an apartment in Conway... But he wants to try and have a relationship with me and I don't want that right now.. Plus the whole Kim drama.. Idk. I didn't ask for a key or my name to be put on the lease, and if I don't wanna be in Conway with my roommates every second, I don't have to be. I have my own agenda, and it's called doing what I fucking want, not what everyone else wants me to do or thinks I need to do. I've done that, oh hmmmm all my life. I'm gonna take control of my life and not let everyone try to do it for me.
I was up there for his bday last weekend but blacked out on Jose. That was my kissoff to Senor Cuervo.

I need to fix the Maxima so Sarah can drive it or I can sell it or something. I'm sick of looking at it. I was thinking of trading it and the Lincoln in for a new car, cuz thatd be a hella down payment, but that would require me getting a job and making car payments and I just don't see that happening right now lol... Many reasons why... I'm actually pretty content right now to be honest. I need a few things but they always come to me somehow, someway. I need to stop always trying to get something newer or better and be happy with what I have.

Anyways.. Bre can fuck off. Shes an insane bitch that has a few bolts loose. Both Alivia and Kaycee said I should have beat the fuck out of her, but I'm way too mature to stoop down to highschool bullshit. Alivia and me have been chilling a lot the last few months and we're even closer than we were in highschool. Hotel rooms, parties, road trips and hustlin and tweeking. At least I kept one of my best friends! ha! One out of like a billion. Shes really been trying to show me she cares about me and is here for me.. and helped me with alot of family shit lately like nonnie and dad.. I'm very blessed and glad shes back in my life.. It took me a minute to trust her agn though.. And Eric is pretty awesome. 20x better than Kent and I'm glad he makes her happy. He wants all 3 of us to tweek together soon (actually wanted to tonight) but I'm broke and me and lulu decided we need to wait a while and recuperate from our last binge... She made a promise not to do any without me.

I also have gotten Matt and Kaycee back together (i think and hope.) Michael got me the new GH5 and Beatles rockband and we all had fun playing it the other night and had some of nonnies awesome cooking. I went and chilled with them tonight and met some new ppl and laughed when Kaycee wrote 'stank bitch' on the back of a passed out Jessie Tate. Ridiculous.

I did some drugs with my dad (go figure) and hes stolen and lied and hurt me for the last time. I'm also done drinking. Jose no es mi amigo. I've went through a vodka, bacardi, whiskey, rum, tequila, and beer phase. Plus this and that in between. My body can't even handle the smell of it anymore... And I'm rather glad about it. If I had every bottle I've had in the last 3 years, I know I'd have hundreds. Theres like 5 empty ones in my closet right now I didnt throw away so Nonnie wouldnt know I was secretly drinking in my room back in May and June... haha beautiful.

HERBIE IS MAGIC... IDIOT! BEEP BEEP. HONK HONK. LOUD HORN. Good Job Herbie! o_o <<;; ;;>>

VH1 can fuck off. FUCK YOU VH1. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU RAGING BITCH FACES.

Well... it's almost 4 am. I rly need some sleep. Anime on AS, woo hoo! I think it's time to smoke a bowl and hit the hay.. I will have some new art soon. Can you guess what? IY fanart of course! Duh!

And I need to finish breaking dawn, and read The Celestine Prophecy... Josh let me borrow that 2 and 1/2 years ago and I still havent read it lol.. we were talking about that the other day. Speaking of Josh, I will be a 'carnie' in Pine Bluff and possibly Cabot here in the next couple weeks before the seasons over, if I can ever get over this FUCKING FLU. And Josh had some carnival ideas for us this winter as well we might go in on together.

Anyways good night ppl. <333 Lifes pretty okay right now. Mmhmm.